arachnydsweb | Recent Entries

As I sit at my computer looking out of the window the sky is a little overcast. There is a tiny breeze that ripples the leaves of the Beech tree in the front garden. Every now and then the sun peeps out from behind the cloud and just like the sun I am smiling.

My anxiety is for some reason full steam ahead and I feel nauseus and it feels like my entire body is trembling. With the help of my skew of daily medicines, a friend using my trigger world and a tidbit of liquid morphine my pain is nagging but no longer screaming at me.

And I am happy because it is good to be me. I have a partner whom I love dearly and who loves me. An unconventional relationship but one that works for us. I have enough work to pay my bills and a little top up benefit from the government to pay my rent because both emotionally and physically I cannot do more than I am doing.

I may have some bodily conditions that restrict my mobility and a constant friend in generalised anxiety but I have my health, my heart is under control, thanks to the medications I only have infrequent bouts of chest pain and they subside in response to rest and my GTN spray. I am aware how much worse things could be and am thankful for the health I have, I may have conditions but I am not poorly.

I amm happy that I now receive regular PIP payments, this has enabled me to buy a little mobility scooter for getting about on public transport, attending political marches and doing my shopping, hopefully I can save up to get a larger more powerful one for local use eventually. To be able to spend a day out in nature without either shit loads of morphine or having to stay pretty much in one spot will be amazing.

I like the work I do. I like the poeple I live with. I have friends who care about me and look out for me, I have family that I love dearly, I have grandchildren two of whom I see regularly and one a little further away so just occassionally but I am hoping to get over a little more often when I can work out the bus route.

I have many and varied interests and I love to write.

So yes today I am happy and am grateful for all the blessings in my life.

Current Mood: happy

I want to start journalling regularly again. For many reasons.

I have once again begun the process of writing my life story. I did it once 30 years ago then burned it so that it's contents could hurt nobody. I am ready to do it again. I can't quite decide how and I am tempted to present it as a work of fiction.I worry that writing it as either a novel or a biography will lose the thought processes which to my mind make up an awful lot of the story. And my journals over the year capture an awful lot of the thought processes.

I am tempted to present it as a journal, edited,entries not necessarily in the order they were written but more likely in the order that events in my life that they refer too happened. I think I may make two copies one journalised and one written as a story, even three if I decide to let things jump rather than remain in chronalogical order. Either way the journal entries that I have going back to 2002 when I first started journalling are an invaluable aid to the process.

But more importantly I enjoy writing, I need to find a prompt site again because timed writing to prompts I find interesting and stimulating. But also writing helps me to process, to take my own thoughts, ideas feelings and reactions out of my head and onto a page and examine them before stuffing them back inside, frequently transformed by the process.

Therefore it is my intention to journal regularly again. :)

Current Mood: cheerful

Image that I may well be using on my next Mouse Mat

my spider tattoo